Is your relationship with your daughter suffering? Communication is plays one of the biggest factors in mother-daughter relationships and can cause a barrier between you. It’s important to learn how to speak to each other from Love rather than anger, frustration and fear. The inability to do this can lead to abusive remarks, screaming and hollering at each other, blaming each other and even shutting down.
Here are 5 of the most common mistakes a mother makes when it comes to her relationship with her daughter.
#1) Judge and Criticize Her
Your daughter needs to know that you support and love her no matter what she does. There are times when it will be really hard to understand her reasoning for doing what she does but at the same time if you begin to judge and criticize her it will only lead to more suffering. You don’t have to like what she does and you certainly don’t have to agree with it but the love and support you give her will help her to realize that you are there for her no matter what and will lead to a more trusting relationship.
#2) Never Forgive Her
Forgiveness is what it takes in order to move on. It’s a gift that you give to yourself. You can either forgive or you can hold it inside. Are you willing to waste your energy on it? If so it will continue to come up in future happenings. Hanging on to the anger or frustration that you are feeling will fester and cause feelings of resentment towards your daughter. This will only cause her to become more rebellious. It is important to let go and forgive. As Mother Theresa said, “If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive.”
#3) Always Expect More of Her
Always wanting more out of her and never being satisfied with her accomplishments will give your daughter feeling that nothing is ever good enough and nothing ever will be. No matter how hard she tries there is never an incentive for her to get better if she never gets credit where credit is due. Putting more emphasis on the positive things she does and less emphasis on the negative things she does will empower her to be the best that she can be. All that matters is that she is doing the best she can and learning from her mistakes. The only thing any of us can do is the best we can with the resources we have.
#4) Failure to Listen to Her
A child’s need to be heard is just as important as a parents need to be heard. There is that old saying, “Children should be seen and not heard.” Unless you are willing to listen to your daughter she will begin to feel less and less important. Most mothers are in too much of a hurry to really take the time to listen to what there daughters have to say. If you won’t listen then she will find someone that will. Taking the time to listen will help you to better understand your daughter and what is going on in her life. You really have no idea what is going on with her unless you are willing to listen. This is the key to solving a lot of issues before they even begin.
#5) Constantly Nagging Her
Don’t be late, don’t slam the door, don’t forget your homework, don’t forget that, don’t do this, don’t do that. Constant nagging will only cause her to not want to be around you. We all know how it feels to be nagged at. Your daughter will become more and more distant from you. For one thing, these are all negative statements. When you constantly are saying don’t do something it’s like telling them to do it. The subconscious mind doesn’t register the word “don’t” so it’s like telling her to do exactly what you’re not wanting her to do. Try saying something like “be home early, shut the door quietly or remember your homework. Telling her what you want her to do as opposed to what you don’t want her to do is a very different message and will not come across as if you’re nagging her.
“It’s not just what we say. More importantly, it’s the energy behind what we say that our children are either reacting or responding to”